Last Chance

I moved silently enveloped in the safety of my car. The horrors of my past infringing upon the present silent gloom. I eased the car in the parking lot and let myself get engulfed into the hustle-bustle of the calloused world. I moved silently a beer can clutched in my hand, a last treat, along the beach. Memories came flooding in knocking the noise of the outside world. I settled myself in the farthest corner staring into nothingness ahead of me.

“Im tired of this Neil”, Sukriti was ranting on as usual. “Everyday the same thing I never complain but today, you knew it was Rishi’s annual day and you knew how much it meant to him.” It was an everyday ritual now. Since the past two years Sukriti complained everyday that I was too engrossed in my work. Adding beauty to seeming less objects I had taken the meaning out of my own life every assignment I got became a kind of addiction to get better and more challenging one after that. As a result Sukriti and Rishi spent most of their ‘times-together’ alone attending functions or movies or the usual ‘Sunday-bashes’ all by themselves. Rishi had grown more than his age. I was to be blamed. I tried to shift my guilt by buying expensive stuff for Sukriti all the times I was not there but it could never substitute for her loneliness.

“Its okay dad “, Rishi had come next morning. “ Ill talk to mum. She just misses you a lot.” It was hard to believe he was only 8. “Im sorry son”.
“You should be”, Sukriti flared carrying two suitcases.
“Suku you aren’t leaving me are you.”
“Yes I am and so is Rishi and until you have sorted out your priorities first we are out of it.”
“Suku please give me a last chance ill make it worth it.”
“You have had enough last chances for two years Neil.”

Two silent tears streamed down my face. I took another swig of the beer. There was nothing left. It had been two months and Sukriti refused to come home till I left my job. At this height in the most glorious years of my career I would be crazy to do it. Darkness was now setting in.

Nothing seemed remotely beautiful in the pent house where I was the only inhabitant now. Sukriti’s voice seemed to echo in the house calling me out. Rishi’s gurgling; throwing burger tantrums all seemed a distant dream. His toys lay scattered in his room staring at me in mock misery.

At Bernard’s assignments had been nothing short of failure. Everyone was thinking I was losing my touch in the light of the personal dilemma I was facing. My boss had called me and gravely asked me to reconsider my options of taking a break or resigning, ofcourse he dint want to loose me.

I sat silently thinking about all this. The beer was over now. I got up and started walking towards the water. I dint know swimming, Sukriti used to always tease me about it. I never got the time to learn to swim. It was all perfect. It would all end in one moment.

I had sat considering my options to get Sukriti back but after I heard that her parents were looking for boys I lost all hope. Rishi was also going to be joining the hostel. I had done this all to myself. When she needed me to be caring and sensitive to her needs I had taken her understanding for granted and never once thought about it. She deserved the happiness she was going to get.

I was waddling into deep waters now. The beach was deserted. No one was to be seen. Even more good. Rishi I thought in my last moment of despair, I need to live for him. I stopped in my tracks. It was too late and the tide had been increasing. A wave came, I should run I thought and I screamt out for help. The water was closing in and I knew no more.

“Neil why did you this”, Sukriti was crying. The headlines read ‘Ad-guru Neil Ahuja attempts suicide ‘.
“Well im sorry Suku I love you”. Tears were splattering the hospital sheets.
“Do you want to go Rome Rishi? “.
“Nah dad dint you have enough of water last week”, Sukriti gave a weak chuckle as I roared out.
“If you ask me it’s Paris for me what say mum.”
She looked me doubtingly.
“Hmm the assignment will have to wait till next month then I guess”, Sukriti raised her eye-brows. “No what I meant was not that sweetie...”
” you had better not…”
Some things just can’t help being the same.