The chill of the raw January morning cut into my skin despite the barrier of wools I was buried under. Some people would seize winter as an opportunity to remain tucked into the safety of their beds, I was going to meet Life and it made me walk on. Maybe it was time I told Ann, I pondered for the umpteenth time. It had been fifteen years of happy married life. I dint know how she would react to it. There are something’s in life you can never guess giving no heed to time. As her figure dawned at the horizon the thought of Ann was wiped out. As angelic as ever, she always took my breath away.
“Hi Khushi”.
“Hi Bruce”.
We hugged and sat on one of the benches lining the park.

I had never even in one of my wildest dreams thought I would love anyone more than Ann or Mike. That became history when I met Khushi. As beautiful as spring she breathed life into everything around her. Everyone got incessantly attracted to her. She was elixir. She reflected the beautiful world around her.

I still remember the grey morning when I first met her. I had thought she was one of those few lucky ones who had reason to be happy and made people realize what losers they are. I was proved wrong after being a few moments with her. She was indeed one of those who have you a reason to live. She grew on to becoming an intrinsic part of my life. It had been 8 months since this angel had stepped into my world. She was like a mirage behind which I ran in search of ambrosia.

“How wonderful was your day?” she asked.
“Just as wonderful as it could be”, I replied.
Out came the mesmerizing smile that made you feel nothing could go wrong after all.
“I got a promotion”, I exclaimed ecstatically.
“That’s wonderful”, she said.
There was a pain in her voice today, she was trying to conceal it, but hearing it made my happiness shrivel up. “Is everything fine?”, I was concerned. “Yes”, she lied. “People who can’t lie shouldn’t even try”. She smiled. “I lost my week worth’s wages yesterday”. I was shocked. I dint now what she did.
“What happened?” I asked softly
She hesitated. She was dancing on the street as usual and someone had just scooped her bag and walked away when she hadn’t seen. Something inside me cried out loud. I never knew this.

It was a routine we followed diligently. I met her for two hours everyday and gathered pearls of life and fulfillment from her. She became my pulsating need. I found solace and happiness which she radiated out. It made me want to fly in the bluey skies. Her innocence, her casual carelessness spelt of a different world with a sense of completeness. We spoke of simple everyday things. Never about her or about me. But she some how lighted a fire in me like a torch in a forest. It made me want to live to enjoy every moment of life. Whenever I met her I rebounded back with more energy wanting to do that extra bit in life. Don’t know how she did it.
But today was different. I held her close.

“Everything will be fine baby. I promise.”
She cried giving vent to all blocked up feelings. Every word she uttered was lke a blow to me. It was saying something to give reason to live to someone when you yourself don’t have a reason to survive. It was all so much calloused. She was an orphan with no one to care, living a life of utter impoverishment.
“Who would care if I died or lived”, she said.
It touched the innermost chords of my mortal heart.
“It would matter me. Everything is going to be fine “, I accentuated.
She looked up. I just realized how fragile everyone is.

I dragged myself home that day unable to take out her picture from my mind. The helplessness spoke volumes of the kind of life she lived and I couldn’t be just another spectator looking at her succumbing to the adversities of life. After all that she had done for me I definitely couldn’t.

Meeting her till then was a phenomenon I followed out of habit or addiction but now it had become a necessity. I spoke to Ann some how that day. The walls had began to close in and there was nothing else to do. The paperwork was going on and we just had to wait. Khushi dint know I wanted to give her a surprise. I hadn’t asked her but I was sure she wouldn’t say no.

It was a crisp morning with clouds circling the sky. Clad in her usual black she was waiting for me on the same bench. I went to her and sat down beside her. She looked up and smiled and the world fell into oblivion as usual.
“I want you to come home with me”, I said.
Ann was surprised when I told her about Khushi that day.
“She is wonderful”, I ended.
I looked down afraid to see the expression forming on her face.

I couldn’t read her face. It was the beginning of a new day. That is how Khushi Carter became a part of our family. Ann was proud of me of course. Why did I even doubt it? Ah…umm….I love her for understanding how important Khushi was for me. She agreed 12 years was too much considering Mike is only 3 but she was happy to have a daughter after all. Then as they say in the fairy tales ‘we lived happily ever after’.

Dumb-struck

I saw her coming through the corridor and as if in a trance I stared at her like an infant gazing at the universe unfolding before his eyes. She came and held my hand, “I Krish”, oh my, the same tingling sensation and rush of blood. Even after knowing her for three years I feel the same mesmerized by her sheer presence around me as if life has been instilled in me then and my entire existence depended on her holding my hand. Now what should I do, I thought stupidly.
I remember the bright crisp morning of the football match when I had first seen Michelle. It was a local football match between the teams of the two rival universities. It was a small oval field and there she was Michelle as beautiful and fresh as the morning dew. She was a classic American beauty. Standing on the opposite side of the stadium clad in a blue skirt and white tee, her beautiful blonde hair fanning behind her. I just sat there staring at her for don’t know how long and would have continued had not Lee upturned the popcorn cup on me. He was surprised, “I mean u like Michelle”, he exclaimed, “This is serious business”. It always was for Lee since she was the first girl I had ever considered all my life, after….umm…. Nikita but that was years ago when she had accidentally kissed me after finding me cute, in kindergarten. I hadn’t set my eyes on another girl. Being the epitome of tradition and duties it had upheld family values and done what should be rightfully done. But now I found myself succumbing to years of disciplined upbringing.
Her eyes as blue as the artic ocean I suddenly recovered as if breathing for the first time,” hi Michelle”, I managed weakly.
After exchanging pleasantries she introduced me to the “cute” guy with her. “Joshua is the same guy I told you about”. I screwed my eyes trying to remember. “The childhood friend I love a lot”. Oh yeah how can I forget that brat. Some dumb close friend she ranted about sometimes he was supposed to be an engineer. “he has come here for marriage”. The entire world slipped from under my feet.
It had been very hard getting Michelle address and number. But Lee was all into it. He was determined to get me set with someone so he got her number after all. After that seeing her had become the pulsating need. More of an addiction. I remember the maple tree standing behind which I used to look at her come through the stone stairs of her college building. It took me months to string two words and talk to her but after that it was all blizz. Meeting at the cafes with umbrellas under the sun sipping colado or catching up on some movie or tasting cheese at the Royals was a ritual we diligently followed. I wanted her to know me before I could actually ask her out some day. We became the best of friends and told each other everything. She told me about how she had to live like orphan all life with no one to care for her. Her parents had separated even when she was a little child and she had to go on in life on her own ever since. I told her about how I was over protected and over cared for and how I desperately wanted to break free and discover the world on my own and do something. The metamorphosis from a kid to an adult is so different and strange for different people. She liked my world and I liked hers. So on it went she becoming an intrinsic part of my life.
“Oh congratulations”, I said. “Thanks mate”, he said and then there was the buzz of his cell phone. While he spoke I looked around uncomfortably trying to figure out something that would provide solace and she looked at me puzzled. After he had finished talking on the phone he asked me to join for dinner but I declined, “I have an important meeting”, I lied and quickly retired home without looking at Michelle.
I cried all night and made up my mind. I got up all determined and went to the office and handed out my resignation letter. It was time perhaps to back to where I belong. I tried to avoid Michelle as much as possible the next few days. “Why are you doing this” asked Lee one fine day. “it only seems the right thing to do to let go”, I walked away. He knew everything. He was perplexed with the intensity with which something so right that seemed such a beautiful world had shattered and lost into oblivion.
It seemed like ages but it was only 3 weeks since I had last spoken to Michelle. I was standing in the queue of the baggage counter. After depositing my bag when I turned around I found her there two silent tears streaming down her face. I walked up to her. “im sorry I don’t know what I have supposed to have done but I just couldn’t let you go without letting u know that I love you”. I was shocked. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me im sorry I couldn’t be the perfect one. I really dint want you to go go…..”, “but weren’t you marring Joshua?” It was her turn to be shocked. ”he got married yesterday with his childhood sweetheart Kate. Dint you know”, “you never told me”. “You never asked. Hey hang on a sec was this all about that?”. “Yes”, I quipped. “Great and you are going back to India because of that couldn’t you just ask I would’ve told you”. ”im not going back to India..”, “Lee told me….”. “Its that bloody dog who has done all this. I’m just going to the states for a couple of days they refused to accept my resignation and instead gave me a promotion”, I swelled with pride. She was fuming with anger, “wow”. I looked around knowing not what to do. “so”, she asked, “are you not forgetting something?”. “Am I “, I teased. “bye Krish”, she turned. I fell on my knees it was now or never. “Will you marry me Michelle?”
There couldn’t be a better date or a perfect timing. Well….the memory is still etched in our minds. It surprises me even today, a promotion and the courage to ask Michelle out. “Krish” she damn still mesmerizes me, “will you please change Kian’s clothes he has dirtied them again” .Ummm….. not as much as before,” Krish did you hear me”,. “Coming honey”. Something’s just end this way.